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It’s been kicking off earlier every year, and March unquestionably saw the beginnings of “summer” blockbuster season, as the likes of Batman B Superman, Allegiant and London Has Fallen attempted to give audiences their first big fix of high-budget, high-concept action.
Though March somehow didn’t serve up any worst-of-the-year candidates if the reviews are anything to go by, it did sadly deliver a number of abject disappoints, even while a few unassuming efforts did manage to take us by surprise. And even if March didn’t leave you satisfied, there’s always April, which will see the likes of The Jungle Book, Green Room and The Huntsman: Winter’s War, and if you’re lucky enough to live in Europe, Captain America: Civil War.
Here are March 2016’s movies ranked from worst to best…
18. London Has Fallen
RottenTomatoes Score: 24% (3.8/10 average)
Box Office: On a $60 million budget, the action sequel has pulled in just shy of double its budget to date, and while it’ll likely end up a little shy of Olympus Has Fallen’s $161 million worldwide total, it’s probably enough to warrant a third film. Also, it’s worth remembering that this is a rare blockbuster sequel to actually cost $10 million less than what came before. Not great, but not bad either.
Verdict: About as lazy and bare bones a sequel as you should expect, London Has Fallen rehashes the original movie’s premise to woefully diminishing returns. Though the action occasionally sizzles and Gerard Butler is at his grizzled best, the majority of the supporting cast (especially Morgan Freeman and Melissa Leo) are totally wasted, and the film’s xenophobic tone has made some critics uncomfortable.
After all, what else are you supposed to think when the protagonist tells a terrorist, “Why don’t you pack up your stuff and go back to F***headistan or wherever you came from?” before executing him? Also, how can a $60 million movie have CGI that wouldn’t look out of place in a 1997 PlayStation game?
17. The Divergent Series: Allegiant
RottenTomatoes Score: 11% (4/10)
Box Office: Made for a bloated $110 million, Allegiant has only barely made its budget back, likely a result of both the final book being split into two movies and the general fan disdain for the source material itself. As a result, Lionsgate’s stock fell substantially and they have since decided to slash the budget for next year’s final film, Ascendant. Ouch.
Verdict: The first two movies were terrible, so why expect anything more from this one? Allegiant still manages to, almost impressively, deliver an even more tedious, less-urgent and incomprehensible YA misfire than what came before, squandering fine actors like lead Shailene Woodley, Naomi Watts, Octavia Spencer and new cast addition Jeff Daniels (who presumably had a yacht or penthouse to pay off).
The visual effects are horrendous for a movie so expensive, the plot goes nowhere interesting, and nobody on-screen looks particularly bothered about what they’re doing beyond getting paid. It is every worst instinct about the YA adaptations rolled into one wretched, wildly overlong film. At least the torture will be over with next year’s instalment, though.
16. I Saw The Light
RottenTomatoes Score: 12% (4.3/10)
Box Office: The Tom Hiddleston-starring Hank Williams biopic has pulled in just over $45,000 to date, making it an undeniable bust.
Verdict: Though we all love Hiddleston and it’s undeniably ballsy for a posh British actor to play a southern American country singer, it’s hard not to side with Williams’ grandson’s objections to his casting when you hear Hiddleston’s singing voice. He gives it his all, but he’s just not convincing and never disappears into the part completely, while he and other terrific actors such as Elizabeth Olsen (who plays Williams’ wife) have to contend with relentlessly morbid and strangely generic drama.
It’s formulaic biopic fare 101, and while it’s an undeniable misfire for Hiddleston, at least it’s low-flying enough that few will actually bother to see it.
15. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
RottenTomatoes Score: 25% (4.5/10)
Box Office: Though it has zero chance of replicating the 2002 original’s monstrous box office success (where it pulled in an insane $368.7 million worldwide), the comedy sequel effortlessly made its $18 million budget back in its first weekend, and while it’s the sort of movie that’ll fare much better on home video, it’ll also make its budget back several times over when its theatrical run is done.
Verdict: A predictably low-effort sequel that impressively brings back almost the entire supporting cast of the original movie (all of whom appear to somehow still be alive), Greek Wedding 2 can’t conjure up a particularly compelling plot nor much of a reason to revisit these beloved characters.
It’s pure sitcom nonsense: inoffensive perhaps, but to all but the most patient viewers the once-charming family members will come off as grating and irritating. It’s too boring to outright despise, but at the same time, it’s ridiculously forgettable and even those who dare to enjoy it probably won’t be able to argue with that.
14. Grimsby
RottenTomatoes Score: 38% (4.7/10)
Box Office: The $35 million spy comedy opened to less than half of what analysts projected, resulting in one of the worst wide openings in American box office history. International releases did save it a little though, helping it claw back $25 million worldwide. It’s still a bomb, but not quite as catastrophic as the U.S. reports would have you believe.
Verdict: Sacha Baron Cohen’s latest comedy is for sure his most uneven effort to date, an unapologetically crass and crude caper that admirably pushes the boundaries of taste and decency, but also opts for the lazy, easy gag far too often.
Mark Strong is great fun here as the straight man opposite Cohen, and the film’s go-for-broke attitude is enjoyable to a point, but it lacks the firm satirical bite of Cohen’s better efforts and Louis Letterier’s hyperactive direction does the action no favours at all. Not awful by any means, just not particularly good either.
13. The Bronze
RottenTomatoes Score: 32% (4.8/10)
Box Office: Having lingered around for over a year since its rather anti-climactic Sundance premiere, this $3.5 million sports comedy has scraped back just over $600,000 to date, and resulted in the 12th-worst opening weekend for a widely-released film in history. Clearly, cynically releasing a movie on over a thousand screens just because it stars a popular sitcom actress is not very smart.
Verdict: It’ll be tough to find a protagonist more easy to despise than Melissa Rauch’s washed-up Olympic gymnast, for though The Bronze has some interesting, down-to-Earth musings on the nature of hope, achievement and failure, audiences will likely find her too grating and obnoxious to root for.
This would be fine if the movie committed fully to Rauch’s a**hole character, but sentiment inevitably gets in the way and the tonally jarring script attempts to turn things around for her. It doesn’t work, and it’s horribly unpalatable in a way so few films are.
12. Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice
RottenTomatoes Score: 29% (5/10)
Box Office: The massively-hyped superhero crossover opened to a jaw-dropping $420 million opening weekend worldwide, the highest ever for a superhero movie. However, with negative reviews plaguing the film, many are wondering whether it can sustain momentum over the coming weeks before Captain America: Civil War crashes the party.
The film apparently needs to make $800 million to break even and Warner Bros. are hoping for at least a $1 billion gross, so they’ve certainly got their work cut out.
Verdict: Well, is this the biggest disappointment of the year or what? Though Zack Snyder brings his signature style and Ben Affleck acquits himself superbly as the new Batman, Dawn Of Justice is an epic blockbuster that’s at once overly bloated and thinly-scripted.
The superhero showdown is needlessly awash in dull, convoluted subplots while failing to convincingly convey the heroes’ motivations for fighting one another. The fight itself comes far too late in the movie and lasts 10 minutes, and yes, the trailer did in fact ruin almost all of the movie’s big surprises.
It’s still tough not to be intrigued for Justice League, but this movie’s shockingly piecemeal approach to its iconic characters has our expectations dropped through the floor. What a shame.
11. The Other Side Of The Door
RottenTomatoes Score: 43% (5/10)
Box Office: Despite having almost zero promotion and opening in just 546 U.S. cinemas, the unassuming horror flick has pulled in $7.4 million so far, likely reaping back most of its evidently small budget. Once it’s out on home video and inevitably sold to Netflix, it’ll probably end up being pretty profitable.
Verdict: Sarah Wayne Callies gives a much stronger performance than the film deserves and there are some interesting musings on the process of grief here, but for the most part this is a garden variety horror flick as dull as its hilariously generic title. Few surprises are offered up throughout, you’ll see most of the revelations coming a mile off, and above all else, it’s just not really scary at all. No points for figuring out how it ends.
10. Knight Of Cups
RottenTomatoes Score: 44% (5.6/10)
Box Office: The only thing more enigmatic than director Terrence Malick is the size of his budgets. Still, with an all-star cast, there’s no chance that the movie’s $928,219 worldwide take is making anyone rich.
Verdict: Malick delivers yet another bizarre and divisive spin on his unique brand of cinematic storytelling, planting the likes of Christian Bale, Natalie Portman and Cate Blanchett in the middle of a portentous, meandering narrative with a ton of unintentionally hilarious, flowery voiceovers.
It all adds up to very little, though at least Emmanuel Lubezki’s cinematography is as vibrant and gorgeous as you’d expect, and foot fetishists might enjoy the scene where Bale sucks on Portman’s toes.
9. The Program
RottenTomatoes Score: 55% (6/10)
Box Office: The Lance Armstrong biopic has made just $1.73 million from more than 20 international markets, while its extremely limited U.S. cinema release this past month was no doubt damaged by the fact that the film was also released on-demand in mid-February. Dead on arrival.
Verdict: A director of Stephen Frears’ (The Queen, Philomena) apparent caliber really should have tried harder here, so it falls to Ben Foster to deliver a cracking performance as the disgraced cyclist, even if almost everything around him feels like a down-the-line PBS docudrama.
For one, the film is too short at 103 minutes, and you can sense the script’s desperation to quickly race through Armstrong’s highs and lows without just taking a moment to soak them in. Chris O’Dowd and Jesse Plemons add some welcome flavour in supporting roles, though overall it’s more decent than actually good, which is a damn shame given the sure dramatic potential.
8. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
RottenTomatoes Score: 63% (6.2/10)
Box Office: The $35 million comedy grossed barely half its projected opening weekend figure, and to date has only just made back half its price tag, sitting at little more than $20 million worldwide. This can likely be blamed on a low-key marketing campaign and fairly obtuse subject matter.
Verdict: As was somewhat obvious from the murky trailers, here’s a movie that seems divided on what sort of film it actually wants to be: a frothy comedy or something more poignant and pointed about journalism during wartime?
On one hand, the 112-minute run-time feels at least 15 minutes too long, the tone is a mess and it won’t do much to surprise you, but the all-star cast (including Tina Fey, Martin Freeman, Margot Robbie, Billy Bob Thornton and Alfred Molina) elevate the fairly pat material surprisingly well. It doesn’t stick in the mind for long, but it’s not bad either.
7. The Wave
RottenTomatoes Score: 80% (6.6/10)
Box Office: The Norwegian disaster film was produced for a modest $6.5 million and has made an impressive $11.1 million worldwide, albeit mostly from Noway.
Verdict: The most startling thing about this movie is how much mileage it manages to get out of its miniscule budget: the decimation of a Norwegian town by a tsunami doesn’t feel too toned-down or cheap compared to Hollywood’s $100+ million blockbusters, even if it is obviously working with an inferior set of tools.
What the movie gets right above the carnage is the characters: while Hollywood is fixated on hot young starlets and dull family melodrama, here everyone actually seems like a person, and the lack of star power on display probably aids that. It’s ultimately not a million miles away from the disaster movies trotted out every summer, but does enough to differentiate itself and compensate for its comparatively tiny budget.
6. Hello, My Name Is Doris
RottenTomatoes Score: 85% (6.9/10)
Box Office: The Sally Field-led indie drama cost an insanely economic $1 million and has made back $3.46 million so far, so while it’s not a Marvel-sized success, it’s a small victory all the same.
Verdict: Michael Showalter’s dramedy makes the most of Field, who again reminds why she desperately needs more starring roles. As an older office worker who takes a shine to a younger colleague, she’s not so much pitiable as sweet and endearing, making this a movie overflowing with charm rather than depressing moments.
It’s fairly slight and won’t surprise you much, but Field and Max Greenfield (who plays the object of her affection) give stellar performances and wring plenty of pathos and humanity out of what could have been either tremendously boring or overly mean-spirited.
5. Midnight Special
RottenTomatoes Score: 85% (7.3/10)
Box Office: Like the majority of Jeff Nichols’ movies (Shotgun Stories, Take Shelter), Midnight Special has been a bust so far, pulling in just $1 million worldwide against an $18 million budget. Still, considering what Warner Bros. showed the movie very little promotional support and dumped it in just 5 U.S. cinemas, what other result could there be?
Verdict: Though not the very strongest of Nichols’ efforts and possibly too vague for some tastes, this is nevertheless an ambitious leap into the sci-fi genre for the director, bringing with him perennial collaborator Michael Shannon and a superb supporting cast including Joel Edgerton, Kirsten Dunst and Adam Driver.
On a technical level, every aspect of its construction is stellar: cinematography, editing, and the original score all pop, giving Nichols and his actors a fantastic backdrop on which to tell a vague slow-burn which nevertheless delivers on the audience’s third-act expectations.
It’ll still leave you with plenty of questions, but serves up enough payoff to make this an entertaining and tense off-kilter delight.
4. Eye In The Sky
RottenTomatoes Score: 92% (7.3/10)
Box Office: Despite plenty of press about the movie being Alan Rickman’s final live-action performance, the thriller has made back just $2.3 million to date on a total of 123 screens, though it should get a decent boost when the movie opens in the UK and other international territories.
Verdict: There’s absolutely a version of this movie that could’ve been heavy-handed and simplistic, but director Gavin Hood steadily bleeds out the more disturbing and ambiguous facets of drone warfare while creating a boxed-in, almost unbearably suspenseful central scenario.
The performances across the board, from Helen Mirren, Alan Rickman and Aaron Paul in particular, help sell the material even when it occasionally flirts with repetition, and ensure that this white-knuckle, tripwire-tense war film engrosses all the way to the finish line.
3. 10 Cloverfield Lane
RottenTomatoes Score: 90% (7.4/10)
Box Office: The $15 million thriller has made around $70 million to date, which while far off the original Cloverfield’s $170.8 million, is understandable given the movie’s claustrophobic premise as opposed to the wild monster shenanigans of the 2008 film.
Verdict: It’s hard to say much about this movie without giving away its third-act surprises, but know that John Goodman gives one of his best performances here as an eccentric survivalist hell-bent on keeping Mary Elizabeth Winstead from leaving his fallout shelter and seeing what’s left above the surface.
10 Cloverfield Lane is a near-masterclass in sustained tension, an extremely economic chamber piece which boasts superb performances, surprisingly sharp direction from first-timer Dan Trachtenberg, and a killer score by way of Bear McCreary. If you go in expecting a full-on sequel to Cloverfield, you might feel let down, but the fact that the advertising played totally fair about this would make you a fool for thinking that.
Above all else, it leaves us intrigued to see what else could come from this universe of stories.
2. Zootopia
RottenTomatoes Score: 99% (8.1/10)
Box Office: Zootopia opened above box office projections thanks to unexpectedly strong reviews and word of mouth, also allowing it to beat Frozen’s opening weekend. The Disney animation has just crossed $700 million worldwide and at this rate should easily obliterate the billion-dollar mark.
Verdict: Quite possibly Disney’s best film since the mid-90s, Zootopia is a rousing, deceptively clever film which combines the film noir genre with a cutting, contemporary commentary on race relations and prejudice in general. With fantastic voiceover work from the likes of Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Idris Elba, J.K. Simmons and so many more, gorgeous animation and a surprising amount of emotional heft, this has all the ingredients for not just a smash hit comedy but an instant classic.
This could easily have been a lame Madagascar rip-off but instead its depth and maturity makes it feel much more like something we’d expect to see from Pixar. Superb.
1. Everybody Wants Some!!
RottenTomatoes Score: 97% (8.3/10)
Box Office: Richard Linklater’s latest opened at the tail-end of March, so we’re still waiting on financials, but going by his usual fare, it’s unlikely to be a sizeable hit even if it’ll likely make back its $10 million budget. A fairly mediocre set of trailers probably won’t help much.
Verdict: Linklater does it again with this spiritual successor to his beloved classic Dazed And Confused, for while on the surface this is a goofy tribute to the 80s, it’s in fact got a ton going on underneath the surface, even if its goal is more to entertain and amuse than be as profound as the director’s Boyhood.
If you loved Dazed, you’ll love this, a dew-eyed, music-filled love letter to the cheesiest decade there ever was, and a fantastic companion piece to both the original film and Boyhood itself. In short, it’s much, much better than the trailers give it credit for.
What did you think of March’s movies? Shout them out in the comments!
